To be a Lady.

Today on Tumblr I found, and browsed, an amazing blog! Etiquetteforalady.tumblr.com. I absolutely love the "rules" they have. They are actually less "rules" and more advice. Many of which I adore! Here are a few of my favorites!












For more amazing "rules", check 'em out on Tumblr. Also check out their partner blog etiquetteforagentleman.tumblr.com.

I want love to be... undeniable... unquestionable...impractical...

I want a single rose, just because.

I want passionate fights and making up.

I want 2am I-had-to-see-yous.

I want a romantic day, once in a while.

I want silly gumball gifts, because it made you think of me.

I want you to think of me.

I want surprises, without even a hint that they're coming.

I want to be picked up for reservations.

I want sunrise picnics.

Twilight walks.

Rainy kisses.

I want Gurdon in the rain.

I want ghost hunts because you know I enjoy them.

I want a home cooked dinner by candle light.

I want flowers, just because I'm sad.

I want a movie night.

I want date night.

I want adorable attempts to cook, or craft, or braid, but because you like to see me smile.

I want a hand picked flower because it's "as pretty as I am".

I want ridiculous, sappy, romantic comedy love.

But that's only dreaming right?

(Click photos for credit--> 4th picture from a subaru commercial)

The question.

It's been a while, and I had planned for it to be longer still, but I watched my movie, the one that inspires me most, again: Eat, Pray, Love.

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I'm quickly nearing the end of my high school career, five days left of the only life I've known. Then come summer, then college, and the pattern continues, but that is only five years of my life. The question now is, what do I want to do with my life? I've always said I want to be a teacher, get married, have children, raise them, etc., but isn't that what most everyone says? Picket fence, logical, easy. A job that will always be needed, secure someone to take care of me, continue the race. Life in the U.S. That's what I envision for myself, but that's not really what I want for myself. I want to spend my life somewhere else. Seeing the world, not as a tourist, but as a local. Stay in one place until I'm tired of it or until I feel in my heart it is time to move on, then go somewhere else. That's what I really want. I want to eat what I like and not care that I gain several pounds. I want to study religion, all religions. I want to find God or some faith that is perfectly right for me. I want to study the old ways of every country or town or area I visit. I want to meet people, friends that become family, all over the globe. I want to fall in love, repeatedly, with new people, strangers, or with the same person. I want to go create myself. I want to get into the world. I want to help new members of my family if they need it. I want to find my word. I want to be at peace. Truly, happily at peace. While I know it's a long shot, and it's probably impossible, it's what I want. And there's no reason not to dream.

1 year.

She doesn't really know how it happened, how they fell in love. It started so long ago. Childhood crushes. If only they'd known. Lost for years, just to meet again. They met again and went from there. There is no sequence of events, no noticing factors of "I'm starting to fall," not indications. Just all at once it hit her in the heart. In that single second she realized she loved this man, she would marry this man. I suppose that's how love is sometimes, untraceable yet undeniable.

Happy Anniversary baby! I love you so very much. Thank you for a wonderful year! <3

Back to the Dirt and Grime.

Oh dear where have I been?
Well, I, sadly, had to come home from my lovely break back to the dirt and grime of life. I've had to write a research paper, which I've yet to finish, and back to schooling, beginning trig, and generally being home. I'd certainly post more if I had internet at my home, but I do not. So I found a spare moment to sit down in the bookstore coffee shop here in town and just settle. I'm also taking the photos off my phone to show you all.
(Chai tea and Lemon biscotti! J'adore! <3 )

I also had Military Ball this past Saturday! It was so much fun and everyone looked so wonderful. I had a blast at my last ball. <3
(More pics to come! I PROMISE!)

I've also, as always, been reading! After finishing Ascension I started Once a Witch. Look for the review soon!

As much as it pains me to say so, I must be going now. I still have to finish my paper by Tuesday.
Look for an update this weekend! I'll have much to tell you about my college Springboard!

Alone.

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I can't quite get used to being alone and ok. Before, I have strived to not be alone. To find others like me. I've changed my reading preferences, my clothes, my classes, my hair, even my speech as to not be alone, but now, I'm comfortable with me, even if I am alone. I read my books in the sunlight and dress in a style I love and take classes I enjoy and fix my hair how and if I like and speak in anyway I like. I am alone again, and comfortable, happy even. Alone. Happy. I've never likes oxymorons. One day I'll get used to this feeling. One day.

Rift.

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I feel so lost. So broken. So sad. I feel as if there is a rift growing between us. Like we're being pulled in seperate directions. I feel my gypsy's heart aching and crying for a change of pace, a new scene, undeniable love. I feel the rest of my soul aching and breaking to be with you, despite the doubt I house deep within. My gypsy heart frets and panics that it is stuck here, in a rut, in one place, for the rest of always. My soul cries out in pain at the very thought of leaving. I feel the lump in my throat, even now, as I think about it. Tears sting my eyes. I imagine my life without you. My soul is burning in eternal torment for it cannot imagine a single day without you, or remember happiness before you. My gypsy's heart gleams at the idea of something new and interesting and different. But it's not only my heart and soul that battle, it's my jealousy as well. I'm jealous of those who spend time with you, especially her. How I hate her. I'm also, as much as it pains me to say, jealous of you. You and your multitudes of friends. You and your open, loving personality. You and the fact that you're so personable. That people gravitate to you, trust you, love you. I love you because you aren't me, and I hate you because I am not you. But they say, "you can only hate those you once loved or still do." This is, of course, the latter. I love you dearly and hate you for everything I'm not. I can't stand to think of us growing apart, of losing this love. The tears burst from my eyes now, there is no holding them in.

I am afraid.

Afraid of losing you. Afraid of being broken. Afraid of missing out on chances because I'm too tangled up in wishing to be there. Afraid of missing you. Afraid of never being happy. Afraid of the future. Afraid of the distance. Afraid. I am so afraid.

I am lost.

Lost in the present. in the past, in the future. in life.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to fix this. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can handle this all. If I am strong enough. I am weak, like slate, a stone, which appears as any stone, hard and strong and unbreakable, but instead is fragile and brittle and broken with the smallest stress.

Help me.

I can't lose you.

I need you.

I need change.

I need you.

P.S. Forgive me.forgive me for everything I'm not and everything I can'y be. Forgive me. Godm please forgive me.

My Passion.

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My two persistant (inanimate) passions are reading and writing. Today, I drove around for no reason, going no where, and found myself at Books-A-Million here in my mother's town. So in I went, knowing I couldn't buy anything if I intended to have gas and food for the ride home tomorrow, but I went anyway. Notebook and pen in hand I started a "Must read" list for myself. Due to my intense love of books I got a list three and a half pages long! I know where all my extra money will be going! <3
Definately be expecting review and quote posts!
To see the list CLICK HERE or go to my Listography page.

San Antonio

I've been in San Antonio, Texas the past few days for Spring Break. It is truly an amazing town. Above are two views from my balcony. My room is actually overlooking the river (not the Riverwalk). I'm so very happy to be in San Antonio! It's magnificent! I've walked the entire Riverwalk and much of the downtown streets. I haven't gone to the Alamo, Sea World, etc. I did that last time I was in town, so this trip I've simply strolled streets, frequented cafes, and stopped along the way to take photos or simply to rest in the gentle reflief of the shade.
Last night, I went on a Ghost Walk tour and heard some ghost stories. I wasn't overly impressed with our guide but that's simply how things go. Tonight, I'll be taking a boat tour around the Riverwalk and having dinner at an adorable British Pub called "Mad Dog Pub." I'm looking forward to it all.
Right now, I'm sitting on my darling balcony listening to Owl City and watching the people who pass below. The sky is a clear, beautiful blue with frequent, large, puffy clouds floating by. I adore San Antonio! This trip has reminded me so much of Europe that I've begun to miss it quite dearly.
I hope the beginning of spring has been wonderful for all of you in the blogsphere as well! <3